25 Years

Sometimes I feel like this tree: alone and barren, while everything else glows around me. But I can still enjoy the sunset.

I heard a story six months ago about a man and woman who could not have children on their own. In fact, they couldn't have children at all. Finally, after 25 years of marriage, the couple adopted a two-year-old. Shortly thereafter, they adopted an infant. The story continued, stating that when the husband and wife are in public with their children, others often ask, "Are these your grandchildren?" Of course, the couple laughs and says, "Oh, no--these are our children."

When I first heard this story, I thought to myself, "25 years!? That is NOT a comforting story. I don't want to be mistaken for my child's grandmother!" When dealing with infertility, it is sometimes difficult to remain hopeful. I have tried to remain optimistic about my chances of having a baby, but in the throes of infertility, it can be hard. Hearing about a couple who had to wait until they were in their fifties to have children adds to my feeling of defeat.

In speaking with a church member about this story, he told me that he knew the man in the story personally while they were about 20 years old. He never knew that the man and his wife had struggled with infertility, but he told me that for them, it must have seemed like all hope was gone. But it wasn't. Their roles as parents in this life were delayed, but not lost.

I still don't think that this is a comforting story, but it is a story that puts some things in perspective, like patience. What did they do with their lives those long, 25 years? I am sure they experienced much sadness, but I believe they still went about doing good and leading fulfilling lives. I want to do that. What if I never do have a baby? What if I don't have the opportunity to adopt? I can't sit at home for the rest of my life, crying over what I "should have had" but never got. I think it is ok to be sad. And to experience grief and truly mourn the losses that come with infertility. But after awhile, I am going to have to choose to be happy--happy with the life I have been given, and happy with what I choose to do with it.

And I hope it doesn't take me 25 years to do just that.


---Mrs. M.