Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I Don't Have to Be Friends With Everyone


I am learning something important: I don't have to be friends with everyone.

I listened to a webinar this week about running counseling groups for girls in a K-12 setting. The presenter was Julia V. Taylor, and she stated that as girls get older, they don't learn how to socialize well with one another. In elementary school, it is sometimes customary to invite everyone from your class to your birthday party. However, as time passes, girls create closer friendships with others and not being invited to the birthday party or sleepover causes hurt feelings. Sometimes instead of talking about these feelings, girls talk about each other. We are expected to be nice, and sometimes this is difficult if we don't really like others (as we are expected to).

In my own life, I have felt that it is necessary for me to try to be friends with everyone. My philosophy is that "everyone needs a friend." I stand by that mantra. However, I don't always have to be that friend. 

There is a woman who I met at church (which is where I feel especially pressured to be friends with everyone) who I am having a difficult time liking. On paper, it seems like we could be great friends: same church, similar undergraduate experiences, artistic and musical interests, same values, both married. However, something is not clicking. At all. 

At first I thought it was her pregnancy. She was very pregnant and not even married for a full year yet. She flaunted it. She complained about it. She made a spectacle of herself and how "miserable" she was. Then she had the baby and I thought, "Great! She can stop, and we can be friends." Not so. She made comments about her "superhuman" qualities for giving birth without an epidural and complained about her baby (crying, not sleeping, having a faux-hawk at only 2 weeks old).

It was too much for me and I did the ultimate friend-cleansing ritual: I blocked her from my facebook feed (so significant, right?). I also stopped going to an activity that she helps to run because I can't take the baby-ness. Mr. M still goes, and that is fine with me. I just know where my emotional limits are.

I also still see her at church where I am friendly in every way, and I don't feel guilty. I feel relieved. I have wanted to be friends for 8 months, but mostly because my feelings for her were negative and I didn't want to feel that way. However, I now feel quite freed. She can be herself, and I can be myself, and it is OK. 

Goodbye, Baby-Flaunter. 
  

---Mrs. M.

9 comments:

  1. It took a lot, but I have just managed to bring myself to block a facebook babybore. I honestly think she would have got to me even if I wasn't struggling with IF. Seriously, before I blocked her I looked back over her timeline and EVERY. SINGLE. POST. since her baby was born is baby related. She is into the competitive sleep deprivation competition mum's seem to have going. I know how many times her kid poops a day and more about baby reflux than I need to right now. Seriously people, no one cares.

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    1. You are right---no one does care, except for maybe those people who are just as boring! Isn't it kind of liberating to be freed of those posts?

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  2. Amen sister! I think that "block/hide" feature must have been created for infertiles because I use it all the time.

    I had a friend last night announce her pregnancy with an u/s photo. Then another mutual friend announce the same friends pregnancy again, the "congrats to... blah blah" shit. Bitch, thanks for the reminder. I blocked them both.

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    1. It MUST be for infertiles, because facebook is really fertilebook. I'm so glad I'm not alone!

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  3. I'm a new reader, and I'm so glad I found this post! Ugh, I've been there! Good call with the blocking, no one should have to deal with someone whining that much, especially about their healthy child. I've met quite a few women over the last few years since my DH joined the military - and you're right - you just can't be everyone's friend. If one more woman tells me how nice it must be *not* to have kids, and tries to use me as a free baby sitter because of it, I might smack someone!

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    1. I HATE it when people say that I am lucky to not have to worry about kids right now. Seriously? That is ALL I worry about! Let's smack some of those people together. :)

      And welcome to SNP!

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  4. In case you haven't seen this before, it's totally possible to revenge those baby-flaunters!: http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/

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    1. I have NOT seen it, and this is awesome. Hahahahhahaa. Thank you!

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    2. And by the way, I love that term - baby-flaunter!! You make me laugh.

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You are fabulous!