I have been dealing with infertility for well over three years now. Because I am in my late twenties and also in graduate school, I often have people say to me, "You're so young! You have plenty of time for kids!"
I hate this.
I know that all around the world people get married much later in life than they used to. Women have careers and couples wait to have children much more than they did in the 50s. My grandmother got married at the age of 17--this rarely happens nowadays (and aren't we all rightfully aghast when it does happen?). However, I have been married for almost six years, and the last time I checked, infertility gets worse with age.
So the comment about me being "so young?"
Not. Helping.
Has anyone ever said this to you? How do you respond?
---Mrs. M.
I've heard similar comments a few times since I had a miscarriage. "You're so young, you can try again soon!" In my case it's even less accurate (the "young" part), as I'm pushing 34. I just figure people don't really know what else to say to be encouraging. Better to say something stupid than not to say anything at all, right?! I just respond, "Well, not really, but thanks" (with a kind of disdainful note on the thanks).
ReplyDeleteYes!! I can't even count how many times someone has said this to me. I am 27 (for a few more days) and look even younger, so I can see where they are going, but I view it as an insensitive comment. Depending on my mood, I either ignore it or say "but my eggs aren't young."
ReplyDeleteThat comment has got to hurt extra for women who know they have diminished ovarian reserve or are at risk for their ovaries going into pre-mature menopause. I think Elizabeth has it right, people feel like they need to say *something*, even if its stupid. I wish more people took to heart "silence is golden".
ReplyDeleteI get this all the time. ALL the time. People are generally ignorant about egg maturity. They see celebrities in their 40's having babies and don't realize that probably half of those women has fertility treatments to become pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI'm 31 now and started when I was 28. I was considered young...but three years has gone by and I don't have a child and spend tens of thousands on treatment. Before I know it, I will be 35 and considered 'advanced maternal age'...not good.
Think people. If we would have been told when we got married that it would take this long and that eggs get old, we would have started right away.
I hear you.
MissConception