This past weekend started out well, with some homemade pizza and a movie on the couch on Friday evening. On Saturday, though, things got worse, and by Sunday, out of control.
I could feel myself loosing control of my emotions on Saturday afternoon, so Mr. M. took me out to dinner ar a local resort's restaurant. We then went to see a movie at a cheap theater, and I had a good time. When we got home, there was a message on the answering machine asking me to teach the lesson in church the next day. I got the message well after 9pm, and church starts at 9am. I immediately became so stressed it was ridiculous. Luckily, Mr. M. called the person back and discovered that the lesson was already taken care of. However, the night was then shot. All I could think about was how I don't have any kids (crazy process of thought, I know). I had thoughts like, "If I had kids, would she still be calling me at the last minute to do this? Does she call me because I must have a bunch of free time?" To be quite honest, this probably wasn't one of the reasons I got called (since I teach on the third Sunday of every month), but that's where my mind went.
This then escalated to how I don't want to go to Mr. M.'s family reunion this summer because I don't want to be around all my brothers and sisters-in-law who have kids (this, too, is a little irrational since I am normally looking forward to the reunion). I do get sad sometimes about being around all those people and not really fitting in. I just try to be the crazy, favorite aunt so that I am good for something. I've got the "crazy" part down, but I have a little competition from my other sister-in-law for "favorite."
Anyway, I guess it just makes me a little insane how much this can debilitate me. The key is to learn how to live with this and not let it upset me so much. I have a few other issues to work through, too, but I know I can only do one thing at a time.
Thanks for giving me the space to right my thoughts, even though they weren't super uplifting.
---Mrs. M.
If you can't spill your sadness out here hun, where can you? Never worry about having a down day and a down post. That is what we are here for. To be able to share the good, the bad and the downright, pain filled, ugly. Hugs x
ReplyDeleteExactly - this is your space to share what you need to share! And even if what you share is sad or painful, I hope that putting words onto paper (or the internet equivalent) brings you comfort. I know it does for me.
DeleteThank you so much. I needed that.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it crazy how random things will drag your brain to those dark places? There is almost no safe topic or situation anymore. I think you're doing fine. Deep breaths and lots of pizza.
ReplyDeleteMissC
By the way, when you say "homemade pizza," do you mean the crust too? If so, how about a post on how to get that it so perfectly chewy-looking?!
ReplyDeleteYep---the crust, too! Maybe I will post the recipe/secret!
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