Infertiles & Their Pets

My childhood cat. Oh, how I miss him, even if I did have to use an inhaler to be around him

 (my step-father got him in the divorce.)

The last couple of weeks have been insane. This semester of grad school is winding down (only 1 month to go), and with it comes the slew of final papers, projects, and presentations. On top of that, I started a new medication last month, and I have been crazy tired and forgetful. Hence, the blog has taken a backseat the last few weeks (and therefore, reading your blog(s), too).

...which leads me to the subject of pets (random, I know). I know many people have pets, especially when they don't have any children. I personally don't have any pets right now, but part of me really wants something to cuddle when I get home from work. I have come to the conclusion, though, that I would not be a good pet owner right now. Limited time, resources, and space lead me to believe that I wouldn't be able to give a pet the attention and space it would deserve.

Anyway, when I was visiting my best friend several months ago, the topic of pets came up. One of our other close friends has a dog (and recently, after some infertility problems, became pregnant). Another woman in the conversation then stated:

"Why do people without kids think they need to get pets? It's stupid."

I was a little taken aback by the statement. I don't think she understands the need to have something to come home to. Not everyone is a pet person. In fact, I never really thought I would want pets, but I do. Really badly. I want to know that someone is depending on me. That someone loves me and cares for me. That I need them just as they need me. I don't have those precious little kids yet, but I totally understand why others have pets, infertile or not.

Darn those pet allergies!

---Mrs. M.

Why I Choose To Be Anonymous

    

Don't worry, folks...these pics are super old.

To me, some of the best blogs are ones that give great insight into the author's life. I love seeing pictures of bloggers and hearing about their weekends. Putting names with faces makes things more realistic for me.

When I started this blog a few months ago, I wanted so much to be transparent. Finally, I was going to share with the world who I was and what I really go through on a daily basis living with infertility. I thought that if I could help just one person get through a few bad days, I would have succeeded.

The time came, and I decided that I would be somewhat anonymous on my blog. Of course, I use snippets of my own pictures and call myself Mrs. M., (which I suppose could be traced back to me if someone REALLY wanted to stalk me), but I don't show my face or use my full name. It is difficult to keep things descriptive, yet vague enough that should someone I know stumble across this blog, they won't realize it is me.

So why am I anonymous?

1. My family. I have not officially told my mother or Mr. M.'s parents that we are dealing with infertility. They may assume as much, but I have never told them. I have done this for specific purposes. I don't want unsolicited advice, nosey questions, or forced conversations on the topic. I also don't want this news spread around to the whole world just yet (which would probably happen if some of them knew). I also don't think some of the parties involved here would be supportive and/or understanding of this struggle. For example, Mr. M. is one of 7 children, and my mother got pregnant on her honeymoon and never had morning sickness for any of her 3 pregnancies. Infertility doesn't really cross my mother's mind.

2. My friends. Only a select few know that we are dealing with infertility, and even some of those people aren't supportive. I don't want it to take over my friendships.

3. My privacy. Does everyone I know in real life really need to know what it is I am doing with my husband in order to make a baby? Really?

4. The crazies. If everyone knew that I had an infertility blog and wrote about the crazy things people do and say, they wouldn't be so crazy. They would edit themselves. Then I wouldn't be able to give an authentic depiction of what really goes on when one is dealing with infertility.

I do have a family blog, which I suppose I could direct readers to. As long as my family blog isn't connected to this one, I might be ok. I don't know, though.

So, what do you think? Why are you anonymous (or not anonymous)? Am I just paranoid?


---Mrs. M.

Starting A Family

Mr. M. and me at our wedding reception almost 6 years ago.

One particular Saturday in February, I was feeling especially distraught about the infertility Mr. M and I have experienced. I had a church meeting to attend that evening, and was able to pull myself together enough to meet Mr. M. there. The meeting wasn't bad, especially since it was a meeting just for adults (no children to further my anguish).

After the session was over, I remained in my seat and overheard a conversation between an elderly man and a young couple.

At one point, the older gentleman asked the couple: "Have you started a family yet?" The couple responded with a laugh and comment about their "two dogs." I think it was a little awkward for them, even though they were gracious about it.

I told Mr. M. about this and how I don't like when people ask me about "starting a family." He said it was a dumb question because we started our family 6 years ago when we got married. That was the start of our family. The two of us.

That, to me, was the perfect response.


---Mrs. M.

If I Yawn One More Time...

(source)

I am currently in graduate school. After this semester, I have one independent study class to complete in order to finish my master's degree. I plan to do this final course over the summer and officially graduate in June or July. It would seem that I am in the final, home stretch, but I'm not. After the degree is finished, I still need to complete a certification, which requires: 3 additional courses, a portfolio, a practicum, and a national exam. This should take me another year.

This week I am feeling quite overwhelmed (and hence, quite absent from the blogging world). Two weeks ago, I decided to try the low-dose anti-depressant that Dr. C. prescribed for me. It was a battle. The prescription sat on my counter for a few weeks before I finally decided to give it a try. I must say that my depression has subsided a bit (though it might be a little too early to tell), but I am feeling extremely tired. I yawn like crazy. It is quite ridiculous. It is the kind of yawning that makes me wonder how on earth my jaw is still in place, because it totally takes over my body. I had to tell my teacher tonight about the side effect for fear that she would think I was disinterested in her class. It's a good thing I don't make noise when I yawn. That would be a nightmare.

I am also having difficulty with my ability to focus, especially when doing my homework. Even reading is hard for me, and I love to read and usually don't mind reading a textbook. I have forgotten little things, too, and it is making life annoying right now. I am having a hard time remembering what day it even is.

I have a screwy appetite, too. I didn't even eat until 4:45pm today. Anything that requires effort is unappealing to eat---that means pulling the lid off of a yogurt. Too much effort. However, after getting home around 8:30pm tonight, I decided I was ready to eat something more.

It was a hard day. I slept until 11:30am and was late for work. I missed a meeting. Class was long. I screwed up some assessment test homework. I yawned a million times. But at least I can pick myself up off the ground.

And right now, Mr. M. just got home with a chocolate milkshake for me. He is the best.


---Mrs. M.

Eleven

(source)

My half-sister just had her 11th baby on Friday. ELEVENTH. I'm not sure how that happens, but it did.

She didn't tell many people that she was pregnant again because she wanted to avoid unwanted comments. I understand this. Even when someone has 11 children, it is still an intimate decision between husband and wife. It isn't entirely the same, but I don't like it when people comment on my lack of children. However, it makes me wonder how my half-sister, with whom I share DNA, got such fertility genes, while I can't even manage to have one baby.

Anyway, I'm not too upset about it. She is much older than me (her oldest child is only 5 years younger than me) and lives in a different state, so we aren't super close.

One of her daughters (my half-niece) has been pregnant 4 times in the last 3 years. THIS bothers me. I think she is 20 years old.

How does this happen?


---Mrs. M.

Best Friend Say What?

Elle and Mr. Elle cutting their cake.

I have a best friend, and I'll call her Elle. Elle had a baby last spring--her first baby. Two weeks after the baby was born, I flew across the country to help her with him. We had a great time, and it was nice to see her and hold a tiny baby. That was almost a year ago.

In January, Mr. M. and I flew across the country to visit Elle and her family again. At one point, Elle and I were in the car together--alone, finally.

As we went through the Subway drive-thru (because apparently, Subway has a drive-thru out west), she brought up the subject of infertility (specifically mine and Mr. M.'s). As she handed her credit card through the window, she turned to me, and nonchalantly asked, "Are you even trying right now?"

At that moment, a flood of thoughts and emotions went through my mind. For Elle, "trying" to have a baby took one month. No waiting required. Not even one negative pregnancy test. Did she think that because I wasn't pregnant, I must not really be "trying?" I know that she isn't that naive, but the question caught me off guard.

All I could manage to dejectedly answer was, "Well, right now, I'm just trying to pay off my $2,000 blood work bill. When I'm done with that, I'll start saving for the next appointment."

And with that, the conversation was done. Not done because I put her in her place. Not done because she finally understood, but done because we got a distraction in the form of our ham-and-provolone-on-wheat subs and drove home.

Apparently, if I am not forking over thousands of dollars on a monthly basis, I'm not really "trying."

---Mrs. M.

Sleep Is A Good Thing

When my nephew was born, Mr. M and I went to visit my sister and help her with her newborn baby. When the baby cried during the night, I got up and helped her so that she could get some sleep, too. It was hard. Especially since I have traditionally not been an early riser. I like my sleep.

So today, I am grateful for sleep. I get it. People with little kids don't. Of course I would trade it for a kid, but I am grateful for it anyway. In fact, I need a nap right now. It has been a rough week!


---Mrs. M.