Why I Choose To Be Anonymous

    

Don't worry, folks...these pics are super old.

To me, some of the best blogs are ones that give great insight into the author's life. I love seeing pictures of bloggers and hearing about their weekends. Putting names with faces makes things more realistic for me.

When I started this blog a few months ago, I wanted so much to be transparent. Finally, I was going to share with the world who I was and what I really go through on a daily basis living with infertility. I thought that if I could help just one person get through a few bad days, I would have succeeded.

The time came, and I decided that I would be somewhat anonymous on my blog. Of course, I use snippets of my own pictures and call myself Mrs. M., (which I suppose could be traced back to me if someone REALLY wanted to stalk me), but I don't show my face or use my full name. It is difficult to keep things descriptive, yet vague enough that should someone I know stumble across this blog, they won't realize it is me.

So why am I anonymous?

1. My family. I have not officially told my mother or Mr. M.'s parents that we are dealing with infertility. They may assume as much, but I have never told them. I have done this for specific purposes. I don't want unsolicited advice, nosey questions, or forced conversations on the topic. I also don't want this news spread around to the whole world just yet (which would probably happen if some of them knew). I also don't think some of the parties involved here would be supportive and/or understanding of this struggle. For example, Mr. M. is one of 7 children, and my mother got pregnant on her honeymoon and never had morning sickness for any of her 3 pregnancies. Infertility doesn't really cross my mother's mind.

2. My friends. Only a select few know that we are dealing with infertility, and even some of those people aren't supportive. I don't want it to take over my friendships.

3. My privacy. Does everyone I know in real life really need to know what it is I am doing with my husband in order to make a baby? Really?

4. The crazies. If everyone knew that I had an infertility blog and wrote about the crazy things people do and say, they wouldn't be so crazy. They would edit themselves. Then I wouldn't be able to give an authentic depiction of what really goes on when one is dealing with infertility.

I do have a family blog, which I suppose I could direct readers to. As long as my family blog isn't connected to this one, I might be ok. I don't know, though.

So, what do you think? Why are you anonymous (or not anonymous)? Am I just paranoid?


---Mrs. M.

Parking Rebel

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Have you seen these parking signs? They have them at the grocery store where we get our prescriptions. The sign there also includes "new mothers" as those allowed to park in those exclusive spots (hey---what about new fathers?).

I don't like to be excluded from things because we can't get pregnant, so I break the "rules." Normally, I would not do something like this---I've never even been pulled over (yet). I am not a rule-breaker. I don't even cut in lines. Not even when a friend is "saving my spot." But last Friday, I did it. I parked in that spot. I was quite the rebel.

Then, while I was in the store, I saw a pregnant woman and then right after, a woman with a baby carrier in her cart. And you know what? I should have felt guilty. I should have committed to never do that again because there were people who needed that spot. Instead, though, the thought running through my mind was: "Ha-Ha, SUCKERS!"

I need some serious help.

(source)

A Grateful Mother

(source)

Last night, I attended a meeting in the community. The topic of the meeting was coping with stress--any kind of stress, and how it affects weight loss. The meeting was mostly women, and the conversation soon turned to children:

• Random Woman: Sometimes, when I am stressed, I spend time with my kids. They are content to just play, and they aren't bothered by other problems. It helps me to spend time with them while they are so carefree.

• Stressed Woman: What do you do when your children ARE the cause of your stress? 

• Grateful Mother: I am struggling right now with my sixteen-month old, because he is right at the stage where he is becoming ornery---but I wouldn't trade it for the world! He is all I ever wanted, and his worst day is still my best day, because I have him. He is exactly what I have always dreamed of, and I cherish every day with him because some people have their children taken from them, and I am lucky to have him.

• Stressed Woman: That's a good point. I never thought of it that way.

As I sat in the middle of the exchange, I was so very grateful for the Grateful Mother sitting behind me. After the class, I thanked her for her comments about her baby. It is so refreshing to hear women talk about their little miracles that way, and I wanted to let her know. She told me that she had had two miscarriages, and that she remembered what a blessing her little boy was.

Thank you, Grateful Mother, for being grateful for the wonderful little baby you have. I am so glad you were in that meeting, and I hope I am just like you if I am ever blessed with the opportunity to have children of my own.

Bathroom Sign

Tonight was excellent.

Mr. M.'s parents are visiting for the weekend, so we decided to treat them to a little of the local fare (technically, they treated us). We ate at a country-style smorgasbord of local food, and then we treated them (this time, for real) to a date night at a downtown pottery cafe. We each selected a pre-made ceramic work, painted it with glaze, and left it there for the week or so it takes to be covered with a clear coat and fired in the kiln.

In the restroom hung this charming little sign. I suppose to others it may simply seem cute. Of course, I picked up on the wording immediately. It could have read: "Please accompany children to the restroom." This would imply that, should a child be in your care, you should accompany him or her to the restroom. However, the wording "Please accompany your child in the restroom" implies that I even have a child...and also that he or she is in a restroom somewhere.

I wasn't offended by the sign. How could I be? Some employee/owner created the sign in the hopes that parents would take their advice and help their small children in the bathroom. He or she probably did not think at all about how it would read to someone struggling to have a baby.  It is sometimes amazing the subtle things that creep into everyday life for me, reminding me that I am different than the majority of the population. However, I know I'm not alone, and neither are you.